Republicans Retreat To Reassess and Figure Out How to Talk to Negroes and People With Lady Parts

by Abby Zimet

Republican lawmakers have gathered in Williamsburg, Virginia to consider their political past (not so rosy) and future (probably ditto), discuss topics from the debt ceiling and gun control to how to game the electoral college, and attend seminars titled "What Happened and Where Are We Now?" (good question!), "How Is America Changing?" and "Successful Communication with Minorities and Women" - the last held in the Burwell Plantation Room, so named for a fine old slave-owning family, and located in the tony Kingsmill Resort, site of another fine old slave plantation. Presumably, breakout sesssions will include do's and dont's on nappy hair and how to distinguish from illegitimate, oh-really-it's-nothing rape and actual, maybe-this-is-not-so-okay rape-rape, which the three white men and two women on the panel can hopefully figure out.