Romney Nears Final Stage of Veep Search
July 09, 2012
"With the prospective vice presidential candidates fanning out as campaign-trail surrogates, Romney and his closest counselors have entered the final stages of selecting the ultimate surrogate -- a running mate," the Washington Post reports."There are seven weeks remaining until the Republican National Convention in Tampa, and Romney has a few important strategic decisions to make before then: not only who to name as a vice presidential nominee, but also when and how to do so."
Wednesday, Jun 06, 2012
Shenanigans: Veep Search!
How many potential running mates for Mitt Romney can you find?
7:34 AM EDT, Friday May 18, 2012
Romney Campaign Officially Begins Veep Search
The Hill reports this morning that Mitt Romney’s campaign is off to an early start in formally vetting potential running mates.
According to the report, Beth Myers, who is conducting the search for the Romney campaign, has already begun contacting prospective veep picks.
The Veep Search Begins!
According to Talking Points Memo, The Willard Mechanism is starting the process in earnest, which only means that it is time to republish our research paper on the Veeps, you know, to help him out.Many thanks to unindicted co-conspirators GRS and Axel Grease.
| Candidate | Pro | Con | Handicap | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Minnesota Member of Congress Michele Bachmann |  | There would never be a dull moment as Bachmann-the-Nut makes up her own version os US History and talks to her invisible friends, adjusting her tinfoil hat and hiding behind plants.. | Bat-shit insane. Says God wanted her to run. | Husband Marcus makes GOP men tighten their sphincters. |
| Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour |  | He looks like Boss Hogg, sounds like Boss Hogg, acts like Boss Hogg. Dukes of Hazzard revival eminent if he is selected. | Boss Hogg might be a racist southerner, or might be a GOPer. | Madam Hogg didn’t want him to run for preznint, and withheld sex until she got her way. Ewww, gross. |
| Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush |  | The Bush Crime Family dynasty continues! | Chimpy. | His appalling family. |
| Fast Food Former CEO, Herman Cain |  | Wants to run government like a business. “Doesn’t matter if it is a pizza, or a burger, or the White House: a problem, is a problem, is a problem.” | “9-9-9!” | Noted as one of the primary saboteurs of Clinton’s Healthcare Plan, Black Walnut ran for Senate in Georgia not knowing that he was black, and lost. |
| Majority Leader Eric Cantor |  | Southern and Jewish, will be interesting to watch wingnuttia’s heads explode | Eric Cantor is the closest thing to an Iago in American Politics. | No one trusts him. |
| New Jersey Governor Chris Christie |  | Hates unions and gay marriage, former lobbyist, will solve budget by asking billionaires to “write a check” | Hates partisan attacks except when he threatens to go “Jersey Style” on his own party. | Loves Muslims so much that he lets them live in his state, even nominating one of them to be a judge! |
| Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels |  | Smartest man in the room, but not in a Newticles way. | His wife keeps leaving him for other men. | Daniels was Chimpy’s budget director. |
| Former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich |  | Two words: Moon Colony. | Often contradicts himself, even in the same sentence. A complete sociopath, there is no lie too small to tell to David Gregory, who will will nod his head in agreement. | Staff-banging serial adulterer married his third wife and former mistress, Callista, who could suck rocks through a garden hose. |
| South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley |  | Would help with Willard’s women problem. | Keeps telling women that there is no war on women and that they really want to be soccer moms, so shut up about birth control. | South Carolina Governors get lost on the appalachian trail, so to speak. |
| Former Arkansas Governor, Mike Huckabee |  | Knows a secret way to cook up squirrels in the popcorn popper. Is married to notable fashion plate, the Gomerette. | Kids pack heat, and have problems with bringing guns on planes. Al Qada? Another GOPer who thinks that God talks to him (Is mental illness catching? Yes.) | Gomer is the darling of the Xristian Xrazies, and would never play second fiddle to a Mormon. |
| Former Utah Governor, Jon Huntsman) |  | Billionaire REO Speedwagon fanboy. | Former ambassador to Communist China for the Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby President Obama. | He and Willard hate each other; cousin rivalry. |
| Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal |  | Hates science and earmarks, unless he can perform an exorcism on them first. | Impossible for him to look and sound anymore like Kenneth from 30 Rock. | Penned “Beating a Demon.” Potentially a metaphor or a lifted title from a Lynne Cheney erotic novella. |
| Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell |  | Looks straight out of Central Aryan Casting. High brow snob as he has 4 degrees – from Notre Dame, Boston University and TWO from Regents. Interned with the man the French cannot get enough of – Jerry Lewis (R-CA). Reinstated Confederate History Month – ignoring the fact that slavery was even part of the Civil War. Wanted to put a toll booth up on the North Carolina border. | Wrote law to force women to have a probe shoved up their lady parts without their permission and for no medical reason before terminating a pregnancy. Conveniently denied having anything to do with that law when he realized it might hurt his chances at the Sarah Palin Memorial Award for the most evil and uncaring Vice Presidential candidate. | Looks eerily like Dan Quayle. |
| Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin |  | Part-time Governor and full-time Grifter, Mooselini has entered more words into the dictionary than most people alive. | Taaahd. | She likes to put bullseye targets on political enemies, which includes most of the US. |
| Ron Paul (R- Texas) |  | Denies his own newsletters; invokes applause at poor people dying. Market solutions! | Ron is a Texan. | Senator Rand Paul is his son. |
| Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty |  | Mr. Excitement, Tea-Paw makes Willard 2.0 almost seem alive. | Hired drunks from Alabama to do breaking and entering/outreach in Iowa. | Only GOPer in history to run for Preznint and get turned down by Fox News for a show. |
| Texas Governor Rick Perry |  | Expert user of back-pain medicines, might be willing to share. | Secessionist theocrat, Gov. Goodhair’s family compound is known as Niggerhead. | Confused by geography, economy, political science, words with syllables. |
| Former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice |  | Allegedly a woman, Rice might help with Willard’s gender problem. | Firmly associated with Chimpy. | Would interfer with her shoe shopping hobby. |
| Senator Mark Rubio |  | Rubio might help with GOP’s out reach to minorities. | After endorsing Willard 2.0, he immediately said he wished someone else was running. | Notorious liar about his family history, especially fleeing from Cuba. |
| Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum |  | His Google Problem. | Alerted horn-dog Senator John Ensign that he was about to be outed by the cuckolded husband of his mistress. | Brought home aborted baby Gabriel and posed for pictures with it, made children say hello to it. |
10:13 AM EDT, Monday April 16, 2012
Romney Confirms Veep Search Under Way
In an interview with ABC News’ Diane Sawyer, Mitt Romney confirmed that his campaign’s search for a running mate is under way. His longtime adviser Beth Myers is in charge of the search.
“I’ve asked her to be the person who oversees the process of the vice presidential selection and vetting an analysis and so she’s begun that process and is putting together the kinds of things you need to do to vet potential candidates,” said Romney.
Romney said he has a deadline in mind for choosing a VP, but declined to state what that was. This weekend marked the first time the campaign talked seriously about a VP pick, Ann Romney said.
Let madness begin in the veep search
Published: March 28, 2012
In a column last March, I indicated that Mitt Romney would be the 2012 Republican presidential nominee as I discussed fatal flaws with other potential candidates. Had the Republican powers listened, they could have saved hundreds of millions of dollars for their fall campaign. Romney will prevail, but it has been a bit tougher than I imagined.
In the spirit of NCAA March Madness basketball, it is time to look at the brackets for the vice-presidential slot on a Romney ticket. In that same column, I had predicted former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty for vice-president. Although he remains in the mix, I think he might be a bit too reserved for the role.
Unlike the NCAA field of 68, I’ll cut it to a more manageable 20 in four regions.
In the Mostly Fluff Division we have Texas Gov. Rick Perry, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, South Dakota Sen. John Thune and former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. This group gets by on looks, charm and basic persona.
In the Real Substance Division are Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels, former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman, Maine Sen. Olympia Snowe, Pawlenty and Arizona Sen. John McCain. This group has demonstrated character and ability.
In the Totally Wacko Division are former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, businessman Herman Cain, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum and media hosts Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. The division title speaks for itself.
In the Swing States Division we have Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, Virginia Rep. Eric Cantor, Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell and Ohio Sen. Rob Portman. Any of these choices might bring along their home state vote.
My Final Four are Thune, Snowe, Santorum and Portman.
Thune wins the Fluff Division because he has not been in the national spotlight and, unlike Perry, Bachmann and Palin, he can count to three, knows the home state of Lexington and Concord and that there is a difference between North and South Korea. And, unlike Christie, he is probably not a big fan of New Jersey’s Democratic rocker Bruce Springsteen.
Snowe comes out of the Substance Division as the only female in American history to serve in both houses of a state legislature and both houses of the U.S. Congress. She is a national treasure who is thoughtful on domestic and foreign policy issues.
Santorum wins the Wacko Division. Listen to his speeches. He talks of throwing up in response to President John F. Kennedy’s Houston separation of church and state speech. He thinks President Barack Obama is a “snob” because he believes in college opportunities for everyone; that Satan is targeting America; and that women should listen to him on birth control issues. He picked “courage” as a word to describe himself in a recent debate; “sanctimonious” is a better fit.
Portman wins the Swing States Division because Ohio is critical to a Republican victory and, having served as President George W. Bush’s budget director, he adds fiscal discipline to a Romney ticket.
The final choice comes down to gender versus geography. Although Snowe would show that Romney might be more considerate on women’s issues than other Republican candidates, she has voted with Democratic senators a bit too often to suit many top Republicans.
I’ll go with Portman as a safer VP choice. He helped deliver Ohio to Romney in the primary, and might do so in the fall. He appears to be a very solid public official.
As a citizen, no mater how partisan I might be, I hope for the best candidates on both major-party tickets. At the end of the day, regardless of the outcome, the country needs and deserves someone capable of handling the top political positions in our country. I hope Romney has sufficient time to make a careful selection.
In the spirit of NCAA March Madness basketball, it is time to look at the brackets for the vice-presidential slot on a Romney ticket. In that same column, I had predicted former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty for vice-president. Although he remains in the mix, I think he might be a bit too reserved for the role.
Unlike the NCAA field of 68, I’ll cut it to a more manageable 20 in four regions.
In the Mostly Fluff Division we have Texas Gov. Rick Perry, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, South Dakota Sen. John Thune and former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. This group gets by on looks, charm and basic persona.
In the Real Substance Division are Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels, former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman, Maine Sen. Olympia Snowe, Pawlenty and Arizona Sen. John McCain. This group has demonstrated character and ability.
In the Totally Wacko Division are former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, businessman Herman Cain, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum and media hosts Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. The division title speaks for itself.
In the Swing States Division we have Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, Virginia Rep. Eric Cantor, Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell and Ohio Sen. Rob Portman. Any of these choices might bring along their home state vote.
My Final Four are Thune, Snowe, Santorum and Portman.
Thune wins the Fluff Division because he has not been in the national spotlight and, unlike Perry, Bachmann and Palin, he can count to three, knows the home state of Lexington and Concord and that there is a difference between North and South Korea. And, unlike Christie, he is probably not a big fan of New Jersey’s Democratic rocker Bruce Springsteen.
Snowe comes out of the Substance Division as the only female in American history to serve in both houses of a state legislature and both houses of the U.S. Congress. She is a national treasure who is thoughtful on domestic and foreign policy issues.
Santorum wins the Wacko Division. Listen to his speeches. He talks of throwing up in response to President John F. Kennedy’s Houston separation of church and state speech. He thinks President Barack Obama is a “snob” because he believes in college opportunities for everyone; that Satan is targeting America; and that women should listen to him on birth control issues. He picked “courage” as a word to describe himself in a recent debate; “sanctimonious” is a better fit.
Portman wins the Swing States Division because Ohio is critical to a Republican victory and, having served as President George W. Bush’s budget director, he adds fiscal discipline to a Romney ticket.
The final choice comes down to gender versus geography. Although Snowe would show that Romney might be more considerate on women’s issues than other Republican candidates, she has voted with Democratic senators a bit too often to suit many top Republicans.
I’ll go with Portman as a safer VP choice. He helped deliver Ohio to Romney in the primary, and might do so in the fall. He appears to be a very solid public official.
As a citizen, no mater how partisan I might be, I hope for the best candidates on both major-party tickets. At the end of the day, regardless of the outcome, the country needs and deserves someone capable of handling the top political positions in our country. I hope Romney has sufficient time to make a careful selection.
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