Saturday, July 14, 2012

The MPS Cast of Characters

Posted by Tengrain May 16th, 2012
We are frequently asked for a cheat-sheet of all our favorite players. So, just because we love the Scissorheads best of all, here is the list. It will probably be updated frequently.
  • Admiral Weiner – George Will
  • The Aquah Budha = Rand Paul
  • Blam-Blam = Dick Cheney, from when he shot the old guy in the face
  • Black Walnut = Herman Cain. He gave himself this nickname, btw.
  • Blue-eyed Snidely Whiplash Wannabee = Paul Ryan
  • The Boreal Narcissus = Sarah Palin, also known as Mooselini
  • Boss Hogg = Former MS Governor Haley Barbour; married to Madame Hogg
  • Brisket® = Bristol Palin; the ® is because she registered her name as a trademark.
  • Chimpy McStagger = President George Dubya Bush
  • Chinless Mitch = Mitch McConnell
  • Dancin’ Dave = David Gregory, so named because famously, he got on stage and danced while Turdblossom rapped. The horror, the horror!
  • Doughy Pantload = Jonah Goldberg; not mine, but by universal acclaim
  • Frothy = Rick Santorum; also sometimes called Pope Sanctimonious I
  • Gomer = Mike Huckabee, secret squirrel frier; married to The Gomerette
  • Grandpa Walnuts = Senator John McCain
  • The Human Hindenburg = Rush Limbaugh
  • Junkie Limbaugh = Rush Limbaugh
  • Malkkkin = Michele Malkkkin
  • Mistress Condi = Condoleeza Rice, whom we suspect of being a secret dominatrix. Her slave is The Worm Hadley.
  • Mooselini = Sarah Palin, also sometimes The Boreal Narcissus
  • Newticles = Newt Gingrich
  • Orange Crush = John Boehner because of his peculiar color. Also known as Weepy
  • Our Lady of the Immaculate Cheesecake = Katherine Jean Lopez
  • Peggington Noonington = Peggy Noonan
  • Petunia (and Pals) = Gretchen Carlson and the Fox and Friends cast of buffoons and circus freaks
  • Pope Sanctimonious I = Rick Santorum; also sometimes called Frothy
  • Saint Ronnie = Ronald Reagan
  • SoyBlo = Meghan McCain; short for Soylent Blonde
  • Traitor Joe = Joe Lieberman
  • Turdblossom = Karl Rove, not mine: Chimpy McStagger nicknamed him this.
  • Tweety = Chris Matthews
  • Uncle Goldbug = Ron Paul, because of his stance on hard money
  • Weepy = John Boehner, who cries a lot; sometimes known as Weepy McDrunky because, well, he’s a notorious drunk; also sometimes known as the Orange Crush because of his peculiar color.
  • Willard, The Willard Mechanism = Willard Mitt Romney
  • The Worm Hadley = former national security advisor Stephan Hadley, whom we suspect was the submissive to Mistress Condi’s dominatrix.

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