The MPS Cast of Characters

Posted by Tengrain May 16th, 2012

We are frequently asked for a cheat-sheet of all our favorite players. So, just because we love the Scissorheads best of all, here is the list. It will probably be updated frequently.

• Admiral Weiner – George Will
• The Aquah Budha = Rand Paul
• Blam-Blam = Dick Cheney, from when he shot the old guy in the face
• Black Walnut = Herman Cain. He gave himself this nickname, btw.
• Blue-eyed Snidely Whiplash Wannabee = Paul Ryan
• The Boreal Narcissus = Sarah Palin, also known as Mooselini
• Boss Hogg = Former MS Governor Haley Barbour; married to Madame Hogg
• Brisket^® = Bristol Palin; the ® is because she registered her name as a trademark.
• Chimpy McStagger = President George Dubya Bush
• Chinless Mitch = Mitch McConnell
• Dancin’ Dave = David Gregory, so named because famously, he got on stage and danced while Turdblossom rapped. The horror, the horror!
• Doughy Pantload = Jonah Goldberg; not mine, but by universal acclaim
• Frothy = Rick Santorum; also sometimes called Pope Sanctimonious I
• Gomer = Mike Huckabee, secret squirrel frier; married to The Gomerette
• Grandpa Walnuts = Senator John McCain
• The Human Hindenburg = Rush Limbaugh
• Junkie Limbaugh = Rush Limbaugh
• Malkkkin = Michele Malkkkin
• Mistress Condi = Condoleeza Rice, whom we suspect of being a secret dominatrix. Her slave is The Worm Hadley.
• Mooselini = Sarah Palin, also sometimes The Boreal Narcissus
• Newticles = Newt Gingrich
• Orange Crush = John Boehner because of his peculiar color. Also known as Weepy
• Our Lady of the Immaculate Cheesecake = Katherine Jean Lopez
• Peggington Noonington = Peggy Noonan
• Petunia (and Pals) = Gretchen Carlson and the Fox and Friends cast of buffoons and circus freaks
• Pope Sanctimonious I = Rick Santorum; also sometimes called Frothy
• Saint Ronnie = Ronald Reagan
• SoyBlo = Meghan McCain; short for Soylent Blonde
• Traitor Joe = Joe Lieberman
• Turdblossom = Karl Rove, not mine: Chimpy McStagger nicknamed him this.
• Tweety = Chris Matthews
• Uncle Goldbug = Ron Paul, because of his stance on hard money
• Weepy = John Boehner, who cries a lot; sometimes known as Weepy McDrunky because, well, he’s a notorious drunk; also sometimes known as the Orange Crush because of his peculiar color.
• Willard, The Willard Mechanism = Willard Mitt Romney
• The Worm Hadley = former national security advisor Stephan Hadley, whom we suspect was the submissive to Mistress Condi’s dominatrix.

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