An open letter to Mika Brzezinski
Dearest Little Z-Big,
It broke my heart when I didn’t see you on “Morning Joe” last week. I was mortified when Scarborough said you were “horrified” by my “mean call.” Because I love you, baby. And Murphy didn’t mean to objectify your fine ass, which is damn fine. I mean, you’re no Willie Geist, but you got it going on. Let’s not kid ourselves. Even serial plagiarist Mike Barnicle has my back. As he explained, it’s typical for older, male viewers of “Morning Joe” to say something about you like, “Oh yeah…”
It broke my heart when I didn’t see you on “Morning Joe” last week. I was mortified when Scarborough said you were “horrified” by my “mean call.” Because I love you, baby. And Murphy didn’t mean to objectify your fine ass, which is damn fine. I mean, you’re no Willie Geist, but you got it going on. Let’s not kid ourselves. Even serial plagiarist Mike Barnicle has my back. As he explained, it’s typical for older, male viewers of “Morning Joe” to say something about you like, “Oh yeah…”
You, dearest Mika, are eye-candy for old men—the Werther’s Original of morning cable news, if you will. I was in character as David Koch, a very old piece of shit, who might say that you’re a real piece of ass in casual conversation. And you are, baby. Let’s not kid ourselves. Anyone who’s watched “Morning Joe” and seen you wearing those sexy-ass, thigh-high leather boots can tell you that. Anyone who’s ever seen the b-roll pictures of you before commercial is well aware of your fineness. Anyone who’s picked up a copy of your book, and gazed upon the cover in sexual amazement, knows that you are a very attractive lady.
Murphy didn’t mean to do you wrong, baby. Murphy will never do it again. Murphy’s sorry. Murphy’s sorry in the third person, baby. He swears. And Murphy would never threaten you with the back of his hand, like some other jerks. Murphy was just playin’, Mika.
Somehow, this Barry White classic perfectly encapsulates my feelings:
Words are below
Words are below
Murphy doesn’t know what else to say. Murphy wants to buy you flowers. Murphy wants to take you out to Sizzler, for a real good meal. Murphy wants to serenade you on a moonlit beach. Murphy just wants your forgiveness, baby. Murphy needs that forgiveness! So, please, Mika, holla at yo boy.
Love,
Ian Larry Murphy
Ian Larry Murphy
Lyrics (:
(Spoken)
I've heard people say that
Too much of anything is not good for you, baby
Oh no
But I don't know about that
There's many times that we've loved
We've shared love and made love
It doesn't seem to me like it's enough
There's just not enough of it
There's just not enough
Oh oh, babe
(sung)
My darling I, can't get enough of your love babe
Girl, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of your love babe
Oh, some things i can't get used to
No matter how I try
Just like the more you give, the more I want
And baby, that's no lie
Oh no, babe
Tell me, what can I say?
What am I gonna do?
How should I feel when everything is you?
What kind of love is this that you're givin' me?
Is it in your kiss or just because you're sweet?
Girl, all I know is every time you're here
I feel the change
Somethin' moves
I scream your name
Do whatcha got to do
Darling, I, can't get enough of your love babe
Girl, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
I can't get enough of your love babe
Oh no, babe
Girl, if only I could make you see
And make you understand
Girl, your love for me is all I need
And more than I can stand
Oh well, babe
How can I explain all the things I feel?
You've given me so much
Girl, you're so unreal
Still I keep loving you
More and more each time
Girl, what am I gonna do
Because you blow my mind
I get the same old feelin' every time you're here
I feel the change
Somethin' moves
I scream your name
Do whatcha got to do
Darling, I, can't get enough of your love babe
Oh no, babe
(Spoken)
Baby, let me take all of my life to find you
But you can believe it's gonna take the rest of ny life to keep you
(sung)
Oh no, babe
My darling I, can't get enough of your love babe
Yeah, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of your love babe
Oh my darling I, can't get enough of your love babe
Oh babe
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
I can't get enough of your love babe
Oh babe
(Spoken)
I've heard people say that
Too much of anything is not good for you, baby
Oh no
But I don't know about that
There's many times that we've loved
We've shared love and made love
It doesn't seem to me like it's enough
There's just not enough of it
There's just not enough
Oh oh, babe
(sung)
My darling I, can't get enough of your love babe
Girl, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of your love babe
Oh, some things i can't get used to
No matter how I try
Just like the more you give, the more I want
And baby, that's no lie
Oh no, babe
Tell me, what can I say?
What am I gonna do?
How should I feel when everything is you?
What kind of love is this that you're givin' me?
Is it in your kiss or just because you're sweet?
Girl, all I know is every time you're here
I feel the change
Somethin' moves
I scream your name
Do whatcha got to do
Darling, I, can't get enough of your love babe
Girl, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
I can't get enough of your love babe
Oh no, babe
Girl, if only I could make you see
And make you understand
Girl, your love for me is all I need
And more than I can stand
Oh well, babe
How can I explain all the things I feel?
You've given me so much
Girl, you're so unreal
Still I keep loving you
More and more each time
Girl, what am I gonna do
Because you blow my mind
I get the same old feelin' every time you're here
I feel the change
Somethin' moves
I scream your name
Do whatcha got to do
Darling, I, can't get enough of your love babe
Oh no, babe
(Spoken)
Baby, let me take all of my life to find you
But you can believe it's gonna take the rest of ny life to keep you
(sung)
Oh no, babe
My darling I, can't get enough of your love babe
Yeah, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of your love babe
Oh my darling I, can't get enough of your love babe
Oh babe
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
I can't get enough of your love babe
Oh babe
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