Halliburton Guy Taking His Smoke Break Responsible For Gulf Spill

Dec 8, 2010

by Jack Stuef

A Halliburton technician encharged with monitoring pressure data on America’s most hated oil rig, the Deepwater Horizon, failed to see signs leading to the explosion that resulted in this year’s Gulf oil spill because he was taking a break to smoke and get some coffee, he told a federal panel. Joseph E. Keith would have alerted everyone on board that the thing was going to blow, and cost Obama about five seats in the House come November, but obviously God made nicotine addictive for a reason. When did Keith finally know that something seriously wrong was going on? He ran across the “body of a dead colleague on the deck.” You need to insert about five of your own Dick Cheney jokes into this post, by the way.

By the time Keith came back from his break, the readings on the monitors had returned to normal. Keith told the panel he realized something was wrong later when the screens he used to monitor drilling fluid used in the well began to bend and stretch, and an air-conditioning unit in the ceiling melted.
An internal investigation by BP, the majority owner of the well, found that the rig crew failed to notice signals of impending doom as long as 40 minutes prior to the explosions and fire. The report, released in September, didn’t single out individuals.
After escaping from the 6-foot-by-20-foot trailer where he worked, Keith found the body of a dead colleague on the deck. Keith was one of 115 workers who survived the disaster by boarding life boats or jumping overboard.

Whoops. At least the Halliburton guy who missed all the signs that a bunch of people were going to die on his watch made it out alright.
Somehow this is Obama’s fault for not quitting smoking. [Bloomberg via "William S."]