Healthcare.gov Is Your New YouPorn

Wait, what’s this? A newish web-sight from Our American Prezzzident? It is called Healthcare.gov, and it is a special place where you and your best friends can learn more about interesting things. Did you know that it is foolish to eat congealed bacon grease for every meal and then whine about how you can’t fit into a string bikini at your local oily beach of doom?
The White House Blog has a lot to say about this new website, the Healthcare.gov (which has actually been online for like a couple months or something, whatever, perhaps it already had its “soft-launch” and this is its “hard-launch,” right here, on the Wonkette). Mrs. Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden even put up a neato snuff film for you to watch, in which they softly and seductively whisper the virtues of Healthcare.gov to innocent American children. I am a huge Michelle Obama fangirl (I have all the trade paperbacks AND the single issues!) but I must remind all of you that Grampa Joe Biden’s wife is also smoking hot. She is kind of like your Cindy McCain, with more Medical Training and less Glassy-Eyed Stare. Also, ha-ha, she is soon to be an Emmy-nominated actress, on the porn show for women whose husbands are deployed to Iraqistan!
Anyway, so after I watched Michelle and Jill roll out their saleswomanly charms, I tore myself away from the White House Blog for a moment (farewell for now, Arun Chaudhary!) and ventured over to this so-called “Healthcare.gov.” And boy, what a magical wonderland awaited me upon my arrival! Here is the first thing one sees when one goes to Healthcare.gov:

Ha-ha, this is not a real screenshot from that website. Alas, the real Healthcare.gov is just a bunch of boring and maybe-helpful information about Insurance Options, Prevention (of Fattie Disease, mostly) and other stuff. Go to it if you must, for a second, and then return to your Wonkette. Laughter is the best medicine! Or did you not know this, because of Nobama’s many terrible lies? [Healthcare.gov]