WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Alvin Greene Interview

I have to disagree with the writer of the second article, I found that all links work and the donation button takes you to a page that looks just like the one you use with paypal.  I am not sure where he got his page that shows an error.  Stop picking on the candidate and ask pertinent questions.  He is not your usual political candidate, he may be what the people want and need......... 

Reporters who have made the pilgrimage to the humble home of South Carolina Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate Alvin Greene have noted how often his phone rings. And how often he answers it, even for members of the general public. You, yes you, after doing a simple Google search, can talk to a major party nominee for U.S. Senate. It’s just a small part of the political revolution that is Alvin Greene. Now your Wonkette has called him, and we have recorded the interview, and you can listen to it.

But please do not listen to it. Your writer called Alvin Greene for the past few days, but he was not able to get through. He gave up. He lost faith, that quickly, in our country’s political messiah. What a cynic! And when he surprisingly got through to Mr. Greene today, he was a complete asshole and couldn’t get past his assholishness to ask any important questions, such as about the Dao. Snark has no place when one is talking to great men.

What you need to know from this interview:

• Alvin Greene made a website!
• He wouldn’t say how he made a website, but it has something to do with wei wu wei.
• Alvin Greene will move to D.C. after he wins the election, because he cares about the people. He will return humbly to his monastic life in South Carolina on the weekends and during breaks.
• He is not thinking about the presidency yet (nor should he, as it will come to him through the Dao naturally). He thinks Obama is doing “okay.”
• Jack Stuef is an asshole.

There you go! You know what? Do listen to this interview. And remark on what a pale comparison of a human being your Wonkette writer is to a wise, generous man like Alvin Greene.

Alvin Greene’s Campaign Website: The Review

Earlier this afternoon your next Junior Senator from South Carolina, Alvin Greene, announced right here on Wonkette (EXTRA SUPER EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT) that he has made a campaign website, alvingreeneforussenator.com. (Or rather, a campaign website came to be.) Is it “good”? Any political professional would probably say no. Yet the website reflects the candidate: modest, earnest, and yet unyielding in its dedication to three issues. It may be the only American campaign website that seeks to align itself with the Dao.

Just don’t click on “Click Here For More Information” on the front page. Alvin is setting you up for a Daoist joke, people who try to “seek” knowledge. If you click, you see this:

Yes, Alvin Greene uses Yahoo! web hosting, formerly known as Yahoo! GeoCities, formerly known as GeoCities. The Way is hidden and implicate.

At the top of the page we see Greene’s campaign slogan, “Let’s Get South Carolina Back to Work!”

It is a self-fulfilling slogan. When you elect Alvin Greene, he is no longer unemployed. A South Carolinian gets back to work. And when all of South Carolina follows the Dao, so can the whole state. Work comes from not working.

Clicking “About Greene” takes you to a one-paragraph bio. Were you expecting a list of his pets’ names? There is no such list, not from a candidate like this. Who can say who Alvin Greene is? Is he a man who shows porn to coeds at a college library? He is everything, and he is nothing.

You click on “The Issues.” You see simplicity.

You click on “Take Action.” It requests that you input contact information. Likely it was autofilled by your browser. You took no action. Yet you are now on “the Greene team.” Congratulations. Inaction is action in Daoist political campaigns.

You click on “Donations.” Here is a simple PayPal button. A commenter has noticed this button does not work. But why would it “work”? It teaches you a lesson. Worldly assets cannot make a candidate win an election. Only adherence to the Dao can.

Finally, you click on “The Newsroom.” Here are two embedded YouTube videos of interviews with Greene. Is he supposed to be embarrassed that you cringe? He is not. He is forthright and truthful. The problem lies in you.

And thus the wise man uncreates an unpresense on the Internet.

[Alvin Greene for U.S. Senator]